Relationships are difficult and can be confusing. A successful relationship is not one void of issues or arguments. It is one where partners control reactions and avoid making decisions in distress or anger. A huge fight that ends in a breakup leaves both people feeling enraged, miserable, and wondering what just happened.
A few tips found in a post at http://www.womenslifelink.com/ may help when issues arise. The first one urges people to refrain from making any decisions in anger. Take a deep breath, leave the house for a while, get advice from someone you trust, or sleep on it before making any decisions that may be regretted later. It may also be wise to give the partner space and time to calm down as well.
Truly listening is the key to keeping disagreements from getting out of control. The yelling begins when one person stops listening and just waits to talk. Tempers flare as frustration builds. In a short period of time both partners are yelling and no one is listening. It is okay to walk away from a fight when the volume climbs. There is always time to re-visit the situation.
There is no way to change the behavior of another person. Focus on changing the way you listen and respond. A tendency to be defensive, for example, will escalate a disagreement into a fight instantly. Figure what that is about and work on a different approach.
Jumping right in to argue may be a habit that is second nature. Wait for a minute and consider the presented perspective or point of view. Process the information before saying a word.
Realize the problem may not always be started by the partner. Stress, a bad day, depression, or miscommunication can make anyone irritable. Being in a bad mood can lead to starting an argument without even knowing it.
An argument is not the only thing that can lead to hasty decisions. Being anxious, fearful, confused, or insecure can also promote fast and erratic decision making. Talk about feelings to get to the source of the issue. If the partner blows up or starts yelling, there may be abuse taking place. That should never be tolerated. Seek help, move out, and re-evaluate the whole relationship.